Worst. Day. Ever.

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Okay “powers that be” I’m done. You’ve won. Game over. Goodbye. The end. I’ve done called in ‘sick’ to work and have one less sick day to rely upon all because you clearly just did not want me to get in this morning.

To kick off the day, a power outage in the middle of the night meant my phone didn’t charge, so I didn’t wake up to my alarm. Waking up instead half an hour later than I normally would, I found my psychotic ex had used his key to get in and drown my clothes in tomato sauce, so, after a brief power cry, I ran into the laundry to put on dirty clothes from three days ago (so it wouldn’t look like I hadn’t gone home last night) and sprinted into the kitchen to make coffee. The coffee machine (a present to myself for dumping said-evil-ex) was jammed up with yet more tomato sauce, so it had to be instant. While the kettle was boiling for my second cup, I left the first steaming hot mug on the kitchen bench to put my face on when I heard a yelp. My freaking cat had split my coffee all down himself, over my only wearable outfit, and all through the white carpet. Forget the power cry, this time it was the real deal.

For a while I just lay on the soaked carpet, like some bizarre coffee-angel, the only thing going through my mind being ‘who do I know who does carpet cleaning in Melbourne?’ Obviously, I had a much longer list of things to think through, namely calling into work ‘sick’ and finding the money and willpower to buy a whole new wardrobe. Also changing the locks so none of this bull can happen again. Really, rug cleaning should be at the bottom of my list.

Shockingly, I think I’ll today 0/10.